The Root Cause: Part 1

The root cause, of scarcity, is a lack of trust.
A lack of trust actually creates stuckness in scarcity situations.

Resisting This Reality

A common pattern among people who feel stuck in scarcity is a resistance to accepting what they're currently getting from life. They resist financial pressure, debt, and the scarcity experience in general. They resist their own feelings (like the feeling that it's time to quit doing soul-less work) and lean too much on external authorities. They resist following a unique path, mistakenly believe that they need to validate their heart-based paths with money, success, or fame to justify pursuing what they enjoy, as if they have something to prove.

This last one can be especially challenging for creative types like artists and musicians and folks whose creative drive is thwarted, whereby the need for validation leads to stuckness and  releasing this need restores the flow.

When life is resisted, the deflector shields go up, and so much energy that could be used for creativity and growth gets diverted into resisting some aspect of one's present reality.

Regarding financial scarcity alone, here are some of the words and phrases folks use to describe this mindset: stuck, trapped in a hole in a pit, an abyss, in debt up to my eyeballs, sick of it burnt out, bogged down, buried, trapped in a scarcity bubble, tired, exhausted, drained if energy, not enough, worried, pressured, unhealthy, stressful.

These imply a threatening situation and the natural response to a threat is to resist.

I  used similar terns  when I navigated through some tough financial  straits. Then my mindset shifted. Ever since then  I no longer perceive scarcity as a threat.

Resisting Your Feelings

Others perceive scarcity a bit differently, using emotional terms like these: bored, impatient, inconsistent, plateau'd out, uncertain of a better plans, self-sabotage, procrastination, hard to advance, not worth it, know what I need to do but not doing it,  it's hard to maintain,  going through the motions, barely trying, repeated dissatisfaction where something greater is possible, need a different direction, alternatives seem risky, other people think I'm doing fine but something is missing, need more discipline.

What's the pattern here? In this case scarcity isn't perceived so much as a direct threat. It's more of a low level annoying hum in the background that keeps nagging at you.

The people who get stuck in this type of scarcity are often those you might describe as being "stuck in their heads." They're often very practical and grounded people, but what's missing is the fire and passion that adds depth and sparkle to their days. This group is heavily populated with software developers, lawyers, accountants, business persons and other people who do lots of very objective work.

They're often well-paid, and therein lies the trap. They get attached to maintaining their income streams even as their work feels increasingly soulless over time. This isn't to say that all people in these career paths feel stuck; many enjoy their work just fine. But when you are stuck in this type of scarcity, a high income can be worse than a low one, making it harder for many people to transition to something more heart aligned.

They think they've built something that needs to be defending, even though their current castle and keep isn't making them happy.   They have overvalued the objective.

A path out of this form of stuckness is actually through recreation and agenda-free exploration, learning, and growth. It's a way to bypass the deflector shield of this group.

Energy Vampires, Part Four

There are several types of Energy Vampires. Here are specifics on the most prevalent energy vampires. All psychic energy vampires are energy vampires but the converse isn't true.

6. The Drama Queen or King

They thrive on creating problems and exhausting, overcomplicated dramas due to dark underlying emptiness in their lives. 
They love seeking out crises because it gives them a reason to feel victimized...
Thus feel special and be in need for love...
With an exaggerated sense of self-importance and avoidance from life’s real issues, different from the self-entitled jerk. 

The negative emotions that they feed off are addictive
so they constantly are trying to create ever-increasing need for them.
Hint: Don't ever ask them how they are doing! 

As they can't draw energy from tranquility, to protected yourself
you stay calm, take a few deep breaths, refuse to take sides or be involved. Pay attention to the patterns in their behavior and the triggers that make you want to get involved or get sucked into complying as it seems easiest or you'vr been falsely shared into it.
Set  kind, but firm limits. Refuse to indulge in banter; they're trying to negotiate or manipulate you. Create distance and cut them out of your life if possible.

7. The Would-Be Perfectionist

Skeptical, annoying wannabe perfectionist, undermines or questions every activity or person. Basically expects you to justify why you  did/didn't just  say or do whatever it was and to justify  your very existence, seeks to critique your every step mid-stride and  to micromanage you.

To Protect Yourself ...don't try to prove them the contrary. It is potentially a losing battle because they think are always right, even if historically they get everything just wrong.

8. The Judgemental Vampire

They love to pick on other people. They prey on your perceived insecurities to bolster their egos by making you feel small, pathetic or ashamed. The way they treat others is merely a reflection of how they treat themselves due to their severely low self-worth.

To protect yourself, remember that true self-worth must come from within. Refuse to take personally what's being said, refuse to  indulge them or to banter with them as it encourages them and then it just escalates when you go on defensive. Tgey see it as a win, so you'll lose. Keep a balanced head, and try being sweet to them. (That really throws them off balance!) Reduce, or cut off, contact, if possible.

9. The Rageaholic 

They dump their anger on you and spread toxic energy everywhere in their surrounding area. To protect yourself, avoid them, if possible.

10. The Innocent 

They aren't malicious. They are the helpless types of people who may genuinely need help, much like a child or a good friend you want to help but who come to rely on you too much. It’s good that you help those you care about but it’s more important that you encourage them to be self-sufficient. Playing the role of the constant “rock” or support will eventually erode away your energy with little or no energy to support yourself.

To Protect Yourself... 

Love yourself. Gently remind them that you need your own time to yourself and  to do other things. Encourage them to develop their  own inner strength, fortitude and resilience.

If you’re a highly empathetic and caring person, it’s possible that you actively attract energy vampires into your life. If you’re a highly compassionate person who doesn’t know how to set boundaries it very likely that you’re surrounded by energy vampires right now.
They are attracted to you because they unconsciously desire to resolve a deeper problem within their psyches by sharing or spreading the pain and they perceive YOU as their solution to all that.

   

Learn to be a starfish thrower

If you ever feel small and think that your life is just average, here's a simple story to remind us that each one of us has the power to make a difference in life. 

Once upon a time, there was a man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions. 

Off in the distance, the man noticed a small boy approaching.  As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea.  The boy came closer still and the man called out “Good Morning!  May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied: “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves. When the sun gets high, they will die unless I throw them back into the water.”

The old man replied: “but there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said "it made a difference to that one!”

Never let them talk you out of making a difference in Life, no matter how large or small the result may seem. 

Energy Vampires Part 3.5: Know who you are dealing with

"We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically."
- Neil deGrasse Tyson

Where an energy drain is involuntary and subconscious, Parasite may be a better term than "energy vampire" depending on which one it is of these five kinds of folks. You must deal with them appropriately or you will eventually be subject to a psychic attack.

1. The Paranoid

Betrayal is their main issue.  They do not trust anyone and expect all others to eventually betray them.They will even assist in setting up others for this betrayal in order to prove themselves right. Aggression, as a physical behavior and as energy projection to everyone, is the most common response to the world. They constantly pick fights and must win at any cost. Never argue with this kind of person. Refrain from making eye contact with them. Lower and soften your voice when you speak to them, and change the topic to something pleasant.

2. The Ethereal jerk

Existential terror is their predominant issue. The result is both withdrawal, fear of abandonment and responding with aggression.

3. The Insecure jerk

They usually were abandoned at some time in their life, and fear it will happen again.They feign helplessness. They insist you do things for them which they could do for themselves and they expect you to take care of their every need. Give-and-take circumstances are unknown to them. All they can do is take. They may engage you in long, boring conversations and speak with you softly.They are compulsive and susceptible to addictions of all kinds. Never stand directly in front of these persons. Do not make eye contact, if possible. Encourage them with words, but do not offer to do things for them. 

4. The Passive-Aggressive jerk

Invasion and being controlled is their chief concern. They imprison themselves and project loneliness, desperation, and resentment toward everyone they contact. 
It is impossible for them to express anger. In a conversation, they will request your advice. Unfortunately, all of your suggestions are wrong and so you are of no real help to them. These people ask for but reject whatever is offered to them. Their classic response to your advice is, "yeah, but..." 

5. The dance clubber

Their main issue is authenticity. Their outer world is perfect but the inner world is denied, with no core essence.They are denying their true self, keeping up the appearance of being perfect. They never complain. They want to be and they are perfect and everything is beautiful. Usually they are in charge of running things. They may have high-paying jobs, a good reputation, a perfect spouse and family, and look in perfect health. Others envy their lifestyle. People come to them with their problems.

Energy Vampires, Part Three

As you read through this, you’ll think of at least one person who took the most vulnerable parts of you. Some of you may even think of a handful of emotional terrorists, who helped themselves to your very own sense of self-worth as if trail mix on a nature walk.

You are NOT trail mix.

You are a majestic, creature who should be safe under the Endangered Species Act. There’s no one like you. Protect yourself and all of that inner magic with a mixture of knowledge, self-love, and awareness.

What is an emotional terrorist?

They’re really a savage breed of human, who sometimes lures you in with trust and kindness. They get you to open up and share your energy with them – without any chance of truly sharing in return. They manipulate your fears, insecurities, or even your past traumatic experiences for their own emotional gain. It’s a special breed of narcissist who seems to devour emotional stability for sport.

They leave you feeling empty, drained, or even insecure or victimized. All the while, they may  seem okay– they may even seem empowered.

If you’ve encountered an emotional terrorist, ya know exactly what I’m referring to. It takes a while to recover and rebuild after they’ve done a number on you. It’s important to learn how to protect yourself from these terrorists, psychic vampires,  to avoid attacks in the future.

Just as bush dwelling villagers have learned to protect themselves from predatory beasts, so must you protect yourselves from becoming prey. 

Knowledge is Power

Just recognizing them for what they are and that others like them exist is the first step in protecting yourself. It could have been a friendship or a romantic relationship, but chances are this predator lured you into a trap using trust. I'm not saying to never trust or love again by any means at all; however, I am saying to be cautious when opening up and sharing your energy with others.

Your true, personal energy is so sacred. It’s so precious. Learn to save it and protect it. We look for others for validation and our own worth that we may forget we have everything we need to fiercely love ourselves nestled deeply inside. It’s there, but it can take time to find it. The more power you give yourself, the less power others can take from you.

Practice Self-Love & Mindfulness

The more you love yourself, the less you’ll need that love from others. When you shower yourself with all of the love and attention that you deserve, you’ll find that you rely on others much less often to fill those needs. Practicing mindfulness will help you to keep your own emotions in check and recognize when your vibrations are low or pulled in places you don’t want them to go.

Self-Love and Mindfulness become Knights in shining armor, protecting you from any unwarranted emotional attack. Instead of someone appealing to your fears and insecurities, you’ll only be noticing those who appeal to the traits you’re looking for.

Recognize Your Own Accomplishments

In relationships or friendships, truly take note of what you do well and what you need to work on. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and we all have amazing and beautiful strengths. Take an inventory of areas of you that you’re proud of and you know are rock-solid. Give yourself an internal high-five for every single one of these.

Now, also note everything in relationships that you know needs work.  Are you easily made jealous? Do you have unrealistic expectations? Are you a good listener? Are you a user? Have you become a taker? Really ask yourself the tough questions and where you need work.

Many of us enter relationships at a time when we should really be focusing on our own healing instead. Many of us have wounds, unhealed, from past hurts, relationships, or even our childhood. When we enter into a deep relationship and make ourselves vulnerable before those wounds have healed, they’re much more likely to rip back open, fester, or even cause an entirely new injury.

Set Boundaries

Sometimes, we’re forced to deal with toxic people whether we want to or not. It’s vital to set boundaries and avoid falling into their traps. Once they know they can get to you, a narcissist, a vampire, or an emotional terrorist will seek to  trigger you. Set boundaries for yourself and you’ll be protected like the magical, endangered creature you know you are.

What kind of boundaries should you set? That’s entirely up to you; however, at the very least it’s important to stop engaging them in  banter,  the very bad  behavior that triggers their  emotional “feeding session.” They consider negativity and toxic behavior a badge of courage, learned from their own old-world ethnic family. Do not engage in an argument with them. This can be so difficult as the narcissist will often times become even more scornful when you do not seem triggered by their jabs. You must rise above it. And them.

What’s Next?

Remember, knowledge is power. The more you know about yourself, the less power you’re giving to anyone else to affect your own, personal world. Taking the time to identify the emotional terrorists and psychic vampires in your life, build your own self-worth and love, assess your own strengths and weaknesses, and set healthy firm boundaries – you’ll be in a position to not only protect yourself from ever being hurt again so deeply, you’ll also be able to help others rise above the pain.

You’ll start to see how others are so innocently trading their own self-worth for what they think is love, being led astray by the narcissists, psychic vampires and emotional terrorists. 

Can't Buy Me Love

The Beatles weren't the first to say it. But they might have been the first to sing that money can't buy you love. 
It can't buy you time, either. Or health. It can, of course, allow you to afford things or develop situations which create an illusion of all the above. 
Honest, healthy relationships can be priceless. And they are equally available to us all. 
Only you know about the good reason you have to reach for what's in your heart right now. 
So USE your deepest wisdom, highest compassion and your strongest faith and you can achieve the thing that money just can't buy.

Energy Vampires, Part Two

We communicate through more different ways than just words and gestures. Energetic vibration is another channel of communication: thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes which can influence  our lives and others' emotional states. Our relationships are always an exchange of energy. There are positive and negative energy vibrations. The positive energy vibrations spread optimism and brighten one's light wherever a person is. The more you surround yourself with positive people, the more you will attract them and these are the people you gravitate towards.

Their opposites are the folks who seem to drain the energy of you simply by their very presence.They are emotional terrorists, the energy vampires. Some are apparent and obvious, overbearing and obnoxious. They complain, criticize, blame, and argue as though it were a mark of sophistication, a badge of cultural honor or ethnic pride. They undermine every effort with negativity and pessimism. Others are more subtle and artful, maybe even superficially friendly and charming. They pretend to help, perhaps outwardly act supportive, loving, intelligent and gifted, yet something about them eats away at your insides all the same. 

Their life issues may be challenging and so you may want to help them get back on their feet; then years pass as you eventually wear yourself out when they won’t take responsibility for their own lives. The most malignant ones can make you believe you're unworthy and unlovable even as you try to please or appease them. They can make you feel bad about yourself, poking at the tender areas of your self-worth.These emotional terrorists, the energy vampires, come in different styles and  types; yet all of them seek to absorb your energy and your light in order to survive or to satisfy their own egos. On a subtle energy level they try to suck the life force out of you even if you are already drained by circumstances, ailments or life challenges. On a moral level, it is your duty to yourself and to your other loved ones to avoid them, even to walk away.

Energy Vampires

The term energy vampire is a metaphor used to refer to negative people, who intentionally or not, absorb your positive vibrations and leave you feeling stressed, frustrated or worried with no reason.

Why refer these negative people as vampires?
First, like vampires, they are incapable of generating positive energy. Hence they feed off the energy of others.

Second, vampires convert living beings into their kind because they feel lonely living in solitude. Similarly, negative people tend to drag people down into negativity as their Misery loves company.

Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain. As a result of the pain or insecurity they feel inside, they are addicted to preying on the vitality of others as an attempt to heal their inner suffering. They believe that they must take everything they can get from others...that giving anything will deprive them of essential resources.

They have the sense that the whole world revolves around them. They lack empathy, sensitivity, and emotional maturity. They are almost incapable of seeing things from another person’s perspective.

Life can only originate inside oneself. However, energy vampires have consciously and subconsciously fallen for the false premise that draining others’ energy is easier than generating their own. 

They think it empowers them, but others’ energy is never enough. It never fills them up or sustains them, it never brings them back to life.  Stealing it from anyone else  dis-empowers them every time. They become the undead, addicted to a false sense of power.

They never find lasting peace, yet don’t know how to quit robbing others of life and choose a better path. While it’s easy to feel resentful towards energy vampires, it important to remember that they haven’t developed the capacity to deal with their own issues yet. 

However you aren't responsible for resolving their issues. They are. It’s vital that you learn how to “draw the line” and set boundaries around these types of people. They never find lasting peace, yet don’t know how to quit robbing others of life and choose a better path.

What you believe to be possible will always come to pass

Dare to dream! If you did not have the capability to make your wildest wishes come true, your mind would not have the capacity to conjure such ideas in the first place. There is no limitation on what you can potentially achieve, except for the limitation you choose to impose on your own imagination. What you believe to be possible will always come to pass - to the extent that you deem it possible. It really is as simple as that.”
--- Anthon St. Maarten

One must have the courage to make the choice to face the challenge, take the chance and change the life.

“There are only two kinds of people who can drain your energy: those you love, and those you fear. In both instances it is you who let them in. They did not force their way into your aura, or pry their way into your reality experience.” Anthon St. Maarten

Never consciously engage in conversations with people who drain thy energy,  the so called emotional or energy vampires.

They simply suck out your chi, life force. This leaves you mentally or  emotionally exhausted, irritated, stressed out, never eager but certainly anxious, threatened, overwhelmed or depressed... even feeling almost guilty for having negative thoughts about them. 

It's easy to avoid them... when you know them. However, danger lurks around the corner when it's the people you don't know very well or people you used to know but you've lost contact with in the meantime. Or, the people you ordinarily can't escape from... like your friends and relatives and their families.

Life is precious and can be unpredictably short-lived. Yet many of us find ourselves lifeless and lethargic upon arising, or at day's end, wondering whether we could be living much better lives. In order to correct for this it'll be important to define the people, objects and situations in your life,  identify the thriving ones and effectively deal with the ones that rob you of your energy.